its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
