after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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