...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
