Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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