so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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