Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
