If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
i out mim tonsoeep
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize