Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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