Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
