Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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