im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
