Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
