never play flip cup with pint glasses
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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