Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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