I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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