Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
