Tell her she can't have a vagina
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
