i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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