Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
