Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
