after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
