Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
