The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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