my being single is dangerous.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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