My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
