I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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