You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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