I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
