If that was your dad, he is hot
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
