I just saw a hot homeless man
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
