He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
