You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
