My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
