What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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