When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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