i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize