you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
