Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
