Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
