What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
