listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
