fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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