porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
