Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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