Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
