a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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