He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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