I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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