I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
