Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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