I wish you could order shots online.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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