wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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