i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
