So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
