god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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