I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
