Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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