just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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