and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
