Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
