where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
