So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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