so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize