the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
