Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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