Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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