I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The power of my boobs compel you
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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