your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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