Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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