youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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