i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize