I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize