oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
